Instant Messaging (IM)
Once kids hit middle school, Instant Messaging (or IMing) leaves email in the dust. Many providers now offer this instantaneous form of communication, with AIM (AOL's Instant Messenger) the market leader. (Other brand names: YIM, MSN Messenger, Gtalk, and, of course, IM on MySpace.) With IM, kids have "buddy lists" of other kids with whom they communicate. Since these buddies are identified by screen names (SNs), it isn't immediately clear whom your kid is talking to. Kids can and do have multiple conversations with friends going at once.
The beauty of IM is that it's free, and kids can be connected to their friends instantly.
IM is harder to manage from a parent's perspective. Kids change their SNs (screen names) constantly, and their buddy lists can quickly grow into the hundreds. (In fact, it's a point of pride for many, which may be the first time you tell them that it's quality, not quantity that counts.) Don't believe your kids when they tell you — and make them tell you — they know everyone on the list. Also, unless you change the settings to archive conversations (a feature available on all major IM programs), IMs disappear the moment a dialogue window closes, making it impossible for a parent to trace. (For the truly dedicated — or those who think their kids might change the settings back — there is software that can capture IMs.) As for IM spelling? LOL! (laughing out loud)
IM has many downsides: Kids spend hours on it (and during homework, too, which should be a real no-no). They say they're multi-tasking, but it turns out there is no such thing. Research shows that it's really serial processing, like toggling a switch, and it does interfere with attention and detail. Kids can become so attached to their IM that they forward it to their cell phones. Because of the viral nature of IM, it's a great medium for cyber bullying. Kids can cut, paste, and email cruel comments about other kids in a matter of moments. Establish a code of conduct with your kids: If they wouldn't say something to someone's face, then they'd better not put it in an email or IM.
Common Sense Tips for Communicating:
- Never reveal personal information. No real names, birth dates, phone numbers, addresses, or anything identifiable in profiles or blogs. Screen names should be gender neutral.
Explain the dangers: 1 out of every 5 kids gets sexually solicited online. - Never meet a stranger. Ever. No talking, no meeting, no way. Make sure your kids know that if someone contacts them, attempts to meet them, or tries turn them against you or their teachers, that these are alerts, and they should tell you right away.
- Establish codes of conduct. If your kids wouldn't say something to someone's face, then they shouldn't put it in an IM or email. That means no cyber bullying. Emailing an embarrassing picture of someone is a form of cyber bullying!
- Be careful with passwords. That means no password sharing. Sharing a password with a friend is like sharing a germ — it doesn't spread anything good. Ask your kids for their passwords. The older ones may not want to give them to you (citing privacy — that's up to you), but for middle schoolers and younger, it's AOK for you to be able to check for inappropriate or dangerous communications.
- Set limits on time and use. For younger kids, have the computer in a central place. Draw clear boundaries: Whether it's no IM during homework or no email behind closed doors, make rules. Preferably before the computer turns on.
