Social Networking
MySpace.com, Facebook.com, Xanga.com, YouTube.com. Yahoo360.com, MSN Spaces, AOL Red Blogs, and LiveJournal.com
These social networking sites are virtual communities where people convene to chat, IM, post pictures, and blog — and they mystify most parents. There are many reasons why these sites have taken off — they provide instant community, instant celebrity (what kid doesn't want to see themselves on a screen?), and a handy way for trying out new identities, an activity that is both age-appropriate for teens and an essential part of growing up.
Here’s how these sites work: Basically, they're IM on steroids. They're the bulletin boards of kids' lives. First, kids choose a screen name (which they probably won't share with you) and fill out a profile containing information about their ages, hometown, schools, likes, and dislikes. Kids post pictures, favorite songs, links to things they love. They invite friends to their site to post comments.
Each site has a privacy policy, and most have a way of configuring the sign-up process to regulate who gets which level of access to the site and who can have access to your information. Some social networks, like Google's Blogger.com, are totally public, which means anyone can read anything at any time. AOL's Red Blog is the most private, partly because it's only for AOL members and also because it's designed specifically for teens. Sites like MySpace.com offer levels of privacy — "friends only" or "me only" (for those who want to create a diary). But none of that will matter. Your kids will go where their friends are. For the most part that means either MySpace.com or Facebook.com, which started out as a site for college kids but is now reaching down to high schoolers. YouTube.com, with its ability to post videos, is also becoming really popular.
MySpace employs their own filtering software, and more than a third of their large staff is devoted to checking for obscene photo postings and underage contributors. But inappropriate content slips through. And contributions that we as parents consider highly objectionable are everywhere.
Many parents may want to check out their kids' blogs. The easiest way is to ask to see the sites. But if your kids don't want to share them with you, there are a couple of ways to proceed. You can trust them, or you can snoop. It's completely up to you. If you opt for the latter, how to do it differs by site. For MySpace, look for the search box. You might try entering your child's name (surrounded by quotation marks for an exact search). But most often they won't use their names. They do, however, often list their schools, so you can check out the school under the groups list. You can also try searching for their friends' names and then scroll down to see if there's a picture of your child on the friend's site. If so, it will appear accompanied by your child's chosen screen name. There will be a name on the picture — that will be your child's web site. On Xanga, you can look under blogrings and type in your kid's school. Facebook is harder because access is limited to high school students only. So unless you know a willing student, you're going to have to ask your kid to show you the site.
The good thing about social networking sites is that they create online communities. They provide a way for kids to test out different identities, and they provide a good way for kids to express themselves.
Kids really need to understand the implications of decisions they're making just at the time when many don't want you telling them anything. Telling them not to post the location of a party may be met with a chilly response, but parties rapidly get out of hand when broadcast to an uncontrollable world. Your kids may think that the personal things they post are private or just for their friends. But ultimately, blog pages can be viewed by college admissions staff or potential employers, who may make acceptance or hiring decisions based on blog comments. Just because a kid takes a post down doesn't mean it hasn't been captured and archived forever somewhere.
Kids' profiles, likes, dislikes, and locations become available for view by sexual predators and others who who the anonymous nature of the online world to their advantage. While some 'friends' are just who they say they are, there are no guarantees.
Common Sense Tips for Social Networking:
- No social networking for kids in middle school or younger.
- Balance your teen's need for privacy and self-expression with concerns about safety and responsibility. Forbidding social networking sites probably won't work for kids in high school, so focus your energies on appropriate postings and safety information.
- Create safe privacy settings. Make sure they're set for “friends only.”
- Tell kids to think about their photos and entries before they’re posted. Since anything can be downloaded and forwarded, ask your kids if they want the world to see what they post. Remind them that future colleges or potential employers could be checking them out.
- Make sure they avoid all personal identifiers and avoid postings about parties, events, or activities where a stranger could find them.
- Don't let kids meet strangers.
